I’ve recently stumbled into a state of being. A somber, contemplative, sad, thoughtful state. I hesitate to call it depression. It’s something different. A soul stirring.
“Is it possible, I asked myself, that I’m being summoned from some deep and holy place within? Am I being asked to enter a new passage in the spiritual life – the journey from false self to true self? Am I being asked to dismantle old masks and patterns and unfold a deeper, more authentic self – the one God created me to be? Am I being compelled to disturb my inner universe in quest of the undiscovered being who clamors from within?
Unfortunately, there has been little emphasis on this summons within Christian circles. When it comes, we don’t understand that we’re being thrust into personal transformation, into the task of birthing an “I” that is not yet. We write it off as just another predicament or plight – perhaps the result of burnout or our dissatisfaction with life.
I believe, however, that in such a summons we’re actually being presented with a spiritual developmental task. We’re being asked to unfold a deeper self – what we might call the life of Christ within us.”
– When the Heart Waits. Sue Monk Kidd.
I think that’s it. I am in the process of ‘birthing an I that is not yet’. My soul needs changing. It needs transformation. It needs to die to itself in order to become more. To become better. To live fully.
I now enter the cocoon… I now begin to live the question once more.